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Things Cheaters Always Say, Relationship Therapist Shares

Updated: Jun 28, 2020

Cheaters will tell you it didn't mean anything

“It didn’t mean anything.” According to psychotherapist Holly Behiels, cheaters will often make this claim as a way to minimize the damage of their actions. “It can be an attempt to show a partner there was no emotion or commitment attached to the action,” says Holly. These statements, explains Holly, are most commonly expressed by those who’ve engaged in a short-lived period of infidelity, “such as a one-night-stand or a brief affair that that has ended, rather than an ongoing emotional relationship.”

Facts About Cheating You Really Ought to Know

There are red flags that your partner is cheating on you — then there are the cold, hard, undeniable facts. From subtle changes to obvious signs, here's what need to know about cheating, according to the surprising facts that recent studies have found.

Once a cheater ...

The old adage is true, at least according to a University of Denver study which found that people who have been unfaithful in a previous relationship are more than three times as likely to cheat in subsequent ones.

Cheating could be hereditary

According to a study out of Texas Tech, cheating tends to follow an intergenerational pattern. A case of monkey see, monkey do, maybe?

He has problems getting it up

A study out of Indiana University found it a worrisome sign — and not for the obvious reasons. Rather, a guy with erection issues might go looking for a risky affair, just to boost his arousal. Because, you know, if his current partner can't do it for him, someone new who doesn't know about his condition and whom he feels less insecure around, could. Ugh.

They guard their cellphone like a hawk

Short of putting barb wire around the damn thing, she won't put it down for a second or is constantly checking it when, hello, she should be focused on you. "If their cell phone has a code on it or they take their cell phone to the bathroom, even at home," watch out, psychologist and author Douglas Weiss warns in Bustle.

Voice is a dead giveaway

Voices can explain a lot about a person, and a popular theory in the journal Evolutionary Psychology suggests that while women are attracted to masculine-sounding men with deeper voices, women also believe those lower-pitched dudes are more likely to cheat

Testosterone = philandering

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology linked high levels of testosterone with the likeliness to cheat.

Success isn't always a good thing

An impressive job that pays a lot is attractive, so much so that one study from the American Sociological Association found that in heterosexual relationships, the more financially dependent the man is on his female partner, the more likely he is to cheat. For women, the more dependent they are, the less likely. Of course.

They talk about their ex often

The last thing a person wants to hear about is the person that was loved before them. While some exes remain friendly, they shouldn't be as connected as they were when they were in a relationship. "Talking to someone, even if it's just a text or through a social media app, isn't appropriate when it comes from a place of secrecy," matchmaker and dating expert Stef Safran told Bustle.

Practice what you preach

Since most faiths encourage sticking by your partner, many religious people do just that. People who are less spiritual or have no religious beliefs or affiliation whatsoever are more likely to be unfaithful, at least according to a study published in Journal of Family Issues.

Micro-cheating is still cheating

A series of seemingly small actions indicating a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone else, says dating expert Melanie Schilling, "is a subtle betrayal and it needs secrecy to fuel its fire." Schilling told Huffington Post Australia, "If your partner is having private conversations or online chats that he/she quickly shuts down when you enter the room; if they are reaching out to an ex to mark an anniversary or other significant shared, intimate event; perhaps they are offering compliments to other guys/girls that they don't say to you; or maybe they meet up with someone of the opposite sex under the guise of a business meeting, when you discover no business was actually done... these are all signs to look out for."

Source: Denette Wilford on June 5, 2018

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